Up front and personal, I’m confessing I’m sliding willingly and purposely into a stylistic Never Neverland…. and will speak to the reader, individually and collectively. This is a huge No No in the world of the professional writer, and Mrs. Stengal of eighth grade Creative Writing in Urbandale, Iowa would frown and send this back for a re-write….because secretly she liked me and wouldn’t give me bad marks without first giving me an opportunity to….toe the line….
She played a significant role in my life.
And no, I still don’t toe the line, not all the time, not now. I speak and think and write boldly, and in italics and make major use of exclamation points!! And ALL CAPS! And “quotation marks!” I’ll use runon sentences and misspellings when the mood strikes and I just can’t get past my inspiration to finally complete a complete thought because there’s always a new one looming over there yonder on the horizon…..
And sometimes? Maybe? I use punctuation incorrectly or colloquially, which is code for incorrectly. Or maybe? Complete sentences? Not necessary.
I’ll always appreciate a second chance a la Mme. Stengal, though, even if I don’t utilize it.
So here I am, writing to you, telling YOU, how I live, how I think, how I express myself when I’m alone and thinking, when I’m not alone and thinking, when I’m not alone and not thinking and just letting ‘er rip out loud.
What I’ve newly discovered, through exercises just like this, is, (and now another glaring No No, repeating verbatim what I’ve already said!) I think, speak, experience, gloat, ramble, pontificate, all these things….in ITALICS!
Like lakeside waves dusting up and back on a sort of sandy beach, I speak loudly and softly. There are Highs and lows, Roars and whispers, Ups and downs and sideways and every which ways. And generally, most often actually, in the same sentence.
Seldom speculation, my life is mostly exclamation, exacting, precise, and committed. I’ve never met a Thesaurus I didn’t like. Until, that is, until the next moment and the next proclamation. A series of the same pass across my Technicolor brain, hued like Sunday’s funnies, a cartoon of singular frames which form a panel chiefly because of proximity, seldom because they’re related in style or message.
Have I mentioned I’ve never met a Thesaurus I didn’t like? I’ve not yet opened one, but the covers are pretty, and just the stacks of books filled with words and more words arranged about my desk send me hither and thither and yonder.
And I just like saying the word, “Thesaurus! Thesaurus! TheSAURRRRRus!” until tongue-tied…
But I digress. As I am wont often to do. I justify it my defining it as “moving forward.”
My thoughts are singular, never dull, often surprising. Until they’re not.
And then I move on.
I’ve always assumed others bounced through thoughts and experiences in much the same buoyant manner.
Look at that!
I’m a believer!
How could he?!
Pink IS the new black!
Plaid IS the new black!
TGIS, S, MTWTh, too!
Short bounces, those, and sometimes longer bounces, like a prolonged hotdog dribble in basketball, inhabit my frames. These aren’t always so immediately definitive. I find I particularly revel in these, mulling them over and over in new settings and with new twists.
“I believe in transparency, but is there a limit? Should some things remain in the shadow, or be simply forgotten? I have nothing to hide, decisions I’ve made are decisions I’ve made. Do they hinder my interactions today? How much do people need to know to know me? The me right now? “
“I believe in living a guilt-free life. I believe, wholeheartedly and without reservation or internal conflict, inherently good people make the best decisions they can with the information they have at the time. As new information comes to light, or is created, and the original decision is found wanting, why, make a new one!”
which can lead to….
“Whew, I can be arrogant, tis a good thing most folks don’t know that about me, that I’m a know-it-all Witch.”
(Here, I’ll admit I am unable, even in that innermost inside of that kernel of something holding the essence of the real me….., I can’t mutter, utter, spell, or otherwise communicate a word of which my mother would not approve. Nor will I willingly end a sentence in a preposition. You are now learning my deepest, darkest secrets.)
which then leads to….
“How much should remain in shadow? How much transparency actually foreshadows the reality to come? Do I want or need to know everything to make an informed decision about “x” or “Y”? “
Constant bombardment! Brain in overdrive. Brain in underdrive!
Trying to explain how Thought One connected to Thought 2 to an outsider, defined as someone not resident in my head, how can I? In a nano, I’ve sped eons and echoes past what influenced those frames!
Oh, man, try being me!
I mean really! Do! The freshness, the newness, exhilarating, all!
Just be sure to document it.